Today, I attended a noon meeting at my home group. I have really been wanting to share my story lately. I think it helps in sobriety. I don't know but I wanted to share..and I got asked today. I was extremely nervous but I did it. I had everyone laughing a lot...and I saw a lot of nods throughout my story..and I really love that. It means you are connecting with someone on the same level. They "get it"...and that's a really comforting feeling.
I am happy I got to share!
Happy weekend...I have lots planned. Meeting tonight again..
I usually treat myself to a spa day/night at my gym..on the weekends..which means I swim, sit in hot tub, sauna and steam room. I plan to do that tonight after my meeting. I am meeting my sponsor at the pm meeting. Saturday, I plan to go to a free Reiki massage (healing speaker/massage) then to a speaker meeting at my home group and who knows what else.
That's all folks! Have a happy healthy weekend!!
When in doubt..choose peace.
:)
Friday, September 24, 2010
Grow With the Flow
Awareness
"It's exhilarating to be alive in a time of awakening consciousness; it can also be confusing, disorienting, and painful."
-Adrienne Rich
Our spiritual pursuits open up our awareness to everything - and sometimes that can be difficult when emotions come to the surface, and stress bubbles up and away. When we know that this is all temporary, and a part of the process, we can observe its happening without allowing it to get us caught up in the drama of it all. We can focus on the big picture - we can see what is truly important, truly real. It is exhilarating, and liberating!
-Lissa Coffey
I believe it is important to be aware. Awareness allows me to be constantly ready for change. I learn more about myself when I can see myself from outside of myself. I can take a step back and see what is really going on. I can see why I react rather than respond to people, situations and circumstances. My goal is to respond rather than to react. Reacting is quick and thoughtless. Reacting comes with consequences, whether the consequences are an immediate reaction from another person or an emotional consequence that I am left to deal with. Responding includes a thought process, taking a step back and evaluating my actions and the possible outcome.
Without awareness, I am given permission to dwell on the negatives, think this is how life is, continue to invite myself to my own pity parties, and not learn to grow with the flow.
I am aware that I have more patience. I experience it quite often. People are put in my daily path that irritate me, are rude, inconsistent to my new healthy life, and just flat out have potential to put me into rage. I am aware that people will never change. I must change. I must be able to accept life on life's terms...and to bend not break.
We all have the capabilities to create how peaceful our day will be. Our brains can only hold one thought at a time. If our mind is full of negativity then that is what will be the outcome for that moment. We can change each moment with a positive thought. We also cannot give away what we don't have. Until we love ourselves unconditionally, we cannot give away love to others. That is so huge to me. I have struggled with unhealthy relationships all of my life. Now that I have learned this concept, it all makes sense. My relationship with myself has been unhealthy. The people I have a attracted are a reflection of myself.
Awareness allows for me to see that I do not want to attract unhealthy, unloving relationships anymore. Working on the love for myself is a daily awareness. I have noticed changes from this though. I love my job. I love the kids I watch. They are so kind and loving it is unreal. I believe I have attracted this family because of the new found love I have for myself.
What you put out there, you get back. If you send out love, forgiveness, hope and kindness, the universe will return it you in more ways than you can imagine.
Be aware. Learn from your own changes and your own experiences.
Each day is new. That is the best part of learning and growing.
A new day. A new way.
"It's exhilarating to be alive in a time of awakening consciousness; it can also be confusing, disorienting, and painful."
-Adrienne Rich
Our spiritual pursuits open up our awareness to everything - and sometimes that can be difficult when emotions come to the surface, and stress bubbles up and away. When we know that this is all temporary, and a part of the process, we can observe its happening without allowing it to get us caught up in the drama of it all. We can focus on the big picture - we can see what is truly important, truly real. It is exhilarating, and liberating!
-Lissa Coffey
I believe it is important to be aware. Awareness allows me to be constantly ready for change. I learn more about myself when I can see myself from outside of myself. I can take a step back and see what is really going on. I can see why I react rather than respond to people, situations and circumstances. My goal is to respond rather than to react. Reacting is quick and thoughtless. Reacting comes with consequences, whether the consequences are an immediate reaction from another person or an emotional consequence that I am left to deal with. Responding includes a thought process, taking a step back and evaluating my actions and the possible outcome.
Without awareness, I am given permission to dwell on the negatives, think this is how life is, continue to invite myself to my own pity parties, and not learn to grow with the flow.
I am aware that I have more patience. I experience it quite often. People are put in my daily path that irritate me, are rude, inconsistent to my new healthy life, and just flat out have potential to put me into rage. I am aware that people will never change. I must change. I must be able to accept life on life's terms...and to bend not break.
We all have the capabilities to create how peaceful our day will be. Our brains can only hold one thought at a time. If our mind is full of negativity then that is what will be the outcome for that moment. We can change each moment with a positive thought. We also cannot give away what we don't have. Until we love ourselves unconditionally, we cannot give away love to others. That is so huge to me. I have struggled with unhealthy relationships all of my life. Now that I have learned this concept, it all makes sense. My relationship with myself has been unhealthy. The people I have a attracted are a reflection of myself.
Awareness allows for me to see that I do not want to attract unhealthy, unloving relationships anymore. Working on the love for myself is a daily awareness. I have noticed changes from this though. I love my job. I love the kids I watch. They are so kind and loving it is unreal. I believe I have attracted this family because of the new found love I have for myself.
What you put out there, you get back. If you send out love, forgiveness, hope and kindness, the universe will return it you in more ways than you can imagine.
Be aware. Learn from your own changes and your own experiences.
Each day is new. That is the best part of learning and growing.
A new day. A new way.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Goals
I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.
-jimmy dean
Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed with all the directions I want my life to take. I have had no plan. Too much to do makes me overwhelmed and too little to do makes me feel the same way. I have been sober now for almost 5 months. The struggles that I currently face are the hatred for sobriety. It is a love/hate. I am grateful for my sobriety..but I am resentful of the life I have currently created.
I have found that I am back in a comfort zone of lonliness and misery. It is self-inflicted, of course. I have always been comfortable with the same routine, the same pain, and the same direction.
It is hard to put into words how I feel..but I shall try. Instead of moving forward in my program, utilizing my AA tools, getting active, meeting new people, etc..I have slipped back into a routine of lonliness and an attitude that, "well I guess this is what sobriety is all about..better get used to it." As a former heavy drinker, I got used to the pain of the way people treated me, broken relationships, fair-weather friendships and it made no difference to me. It is all I knew. I just drank and temporarily the problems were solved. At least, I thought they were.
Now, sober and trying to move forward, it is a whole different story. The urge to drink has subsided, but the empty feelings, the lonliness have kicked in full force lately. I have allowed myself to slip back into my old ways. The only difference is, I am not drinking. Some would say, that is a big deal. It is not. The no drinking is good, yes...but the behaviors I have taken on lately and thoughts are not productive nor are they healthy.
I find myself resenting AA. I feel like I belong to a group that doesn't have fun, that is secluded from my old friends, my old ways and life patterns.
I sometimes feel if I submerge myself in too deep into my program, then I have no excuse when I fuck up or have thoughts of drinking, or self-sabotaging behaviors. I sometimes find myself afraid to be OKAY...afraid to be relieved of fear and afraid to rely on my higher power for protection and peace. I linger in the lonliness and negative thoughts because in a sick way, it is comfortable. It has a very big safety net for me.
When I know I should go to a meeting, is when I stay home for days and days and do NOT go. I am learning the hard way but I always have. I have always allowed myself to be beat to almost death until I realized ENOUGH is ENOUGH. My threshold for pain is very high..mostly for self-inflicted mental abuse.
I skipped meetings for 12 days recently. That did a huge toll on my mental health and sanity. I realize this. I went to a meeting yesterday. I felt so rejuvenated, refreshed and ready to tackle new goals, get back into my program full force and make more changes to better myself. The only way for me to fully recover is to get out of my head. Reach out. Help out. Stop my mental chatter. Stop the pity parties. Stop the ISOLATION.
I have to keep in mind that people will always let me down..my higher power will not.
I have all the tools I need to get out of this mental mess...I just have to do it. For me, a plan is needed and needs to be put into action as well.
My plan of action is this:
Have a daily GOAL list (can just be as simple as go to a meeting, go to the gym, etc.)
Go to at least THREE meetings a week
Reach out to someone daily in or out of my program-see how they are doing..how is THEIR life
Have a MONTHLY Goal list:
OCTOBER:
Find a small race to run
Find a place to volunteer and commit to it
Get a service commitment in my program
2 days a week change up my workout routine (cardio)
Attend 3 meetings weekly
Meet up with someone in/out of program once a week
That is all I have for now....
-jimmy dean
Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed with all the directions I want my life to take. I have had no plan. Too much to do makes me overwhelmed and too little to do makes me feel the same way. I have been sober now for almost 5 months. The struggles that I currently face are the hatred for sobriety. It is a love/hate. I am grateful for my sobriety..but I am resentful of the life I have currently created.
I have found that I am back in a comfort zone of lonliness and misery. It is self-inflicted, of course. I have always been comfortable with the same routine, the same pain, and the same direction.
It is hard to put into words how I feel..but I shall try. Instead of moving forward in my program, utilizing my AA tools, getting active, meeting new people, etc..I have slipped back into a routine of lonliness and an attitude that, "well I guess this is what sobriety is all about..better get used to it." As a former heavy drinker, I got used to the pain of the way people treated me, broken relationships, fair-weather friendships and it made no difference to me. It is all I knew. I just drank and temporarily the problems were solved. At least, I thought they were.
Now, sober and trying to move forward, it is a whole different story. The urge to drink has subsided, but the empty feelings, the lonliness have kicked in full force lately. I have allowed myself to slip back into my old ways. The only difference is, I am not drinking. Some would say, that is a big deal. It is not. The no drinking is good, yes...but the behaviors I have taken on lately and thoughts are not productive nor are they healthy.
I find myself resenting AA. I feel like I belong to a group that doesn't have fun, that is secluded from my old friends, my old ways and life patterns.
I sometimes feel if I submerge myself in too deep into my program, then I have no excuse when I fuck up or have thoughts of drinking, or self-sabotaging behaviors. I sometimes find myself afraid to be OKAY...afraid to be relieved of fear and afraid to rely on my higher power for protection and peace. I linger in the lonliness and negative thoughts because in a sick way, it is comfortable. It has a very big safety net for me.
When I know I should go to a meeting, is when I stay home for days and days and do NOT go. I am learning the hard way but I always have. I have always allowed myself to be beat to almost death until I realized ENOUGH is ENOUGH. My threshold for pain is very high..mostly for self-inflicted mental abuse.
I skipped meetings for 12 days recently. That did a huge toll on my mental health and sanity. I realize this. I went to a meeting yesterday. I felt so rejuvenated, refreshed and ready to tackle new goals, get back into my program full force and make more changes to better myself. The only way for me to fully recover is to get out of my head. Reach out. Help out. Stop my mental chatter. Stop the pity parties. Stop the ISOLATION.
I have to keep in mind that people will always let me down..my higher power will not.
I have all the tools I need to get out of this mental mess...I just have to do it. For me, a plan is needed and needs to be put into action as well.
My plan of action is this:
Have a daily GOAL list (can just be as simple as go to a meeting, go to the gym, etc.)
Go to at least THREE meetings a week
Reach out to someone daily in or out of my program-see how they are doing..how is THEIR life
Have a MONTHLY Goal list:
OCTOBER:
Find a small race to run
Find a place to volunteer and commit to it
Get a service commitment in my program
2 days a week change up my workout routine (cardio)
Attend 3 meetings weekly
Meet up with someone in/out of program once a week
That is all I have for now....
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