2010 CHRISTMAS
Haley and I
This was NOT easy getting pics of her in the hat..She was not a happy camper...what so ever...so this is the best I could do.
Merry Christmas everyone!
HAPPY HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL MY GLORIOUS FRIENDS!!!
From Haley and I!!!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
2010 Has been full of GROWTH and wisdom for my SOUL
1. I cannot wait til the next day because I am so excited about my workout that I have planned.
2. I spend my entire monthly gift card at Target ONLY in the fitness section.
3. Getting a new pair of running shoes is more exciting than jeans.
4. Doug at the front desk of my gym says, "See ya again at noon."
5. I ask for Glutamine/whey protein/vitamins for Christmas...and I actually find those gifts EXCITING (stock up time).
6. I wear normal clothes/hair down at my gas station..the clerk says, "Never seen you with your hair down or jeans on. Did you get your hair done?" (always in gym gear) haha.
7. My girlfriends who I out-weighed by 32lbs this time LAST YEAR ask me to "train them."
8. I call people to see how THEY are doing.
9. I am inspired daily by new people..rather than being irritated that they aren't like me.
10. When I think of eating "bad"..I think how long it will take to burn it off (at times..other times I just GO FOR IT!) :) haha
12. Weekends consist of hikes/jogs/dog walks/reading/writing instead of the bars/parties/tailgates/hangove
rs.
13. I am home right now on a Friday night writing this..and not slamming vodka or stressing out about "what's going on tonight."
14. I get more out of a conversation with my best friend than I ever have in my life. I truly look forward to hearing and absorbing her wisdom.
15. My mom and I enjoyed our FIRST Thanksgiving together here in Arizona..where I cared about her visit...and put HER FIRST..not my plans/my life/my agenda.
16. I never have to wonder what I spent last night.
17. I thank God that I have gotten through things as a stronger woman..not just barely surviving as a victim.
18. I take responsibility now for all that I get in my life and all that I give out.
19. I enjoy being alone now.
20. I am more responsible with other people's feelings and how I interact with others.
21. My dad is proud of me..*always has been..but can focus his energy on his love for me...and the worry over my destructive behaviors has dissipated.
22. I respect myself. The hate for myself has slowly gone away..it slips up on occasion but I can catch it and face my fears.
23. I embrace change a lot better than I have in the past.
24. I enjoy new people. It's not all about me anymore.
25. I smile...and I MEAN IT. My soul smiles. I am not covering up any shame or fear/s. If they come up..I deal with them head on. I walk through fear...not around it.
26. I am not obsessed with a number on the scale, or being thinner, or getting more this or more that..It's super fun to have challenges, but I can honestly say I am completely happy with how I look. That is a FIRST!
27. I realized over this past year that I am capable of being loved. It is a HUGE hurdle to overcome..I am not 100% believing it every second of every waking moment..but I know it's true..
28. I AM NOT A VICTIM.
29. My patience has grown immensely.
30. My driving has drastically improved. I have taken the need to rush everywhere out of my life. It is OKAY to get there a little bit later and arrive SAFE.
31. I bite my tongue more often.
32. I have learned to forgive...starting with forgiving MYSELF for all the self-hatred and abuse.
33. I have gained real friendships.
34. I am learning to trust my own intuition. It's always been there..but I have abandoned it for many years.
35. I thoroughly enjoy taking my beloved (my dog Haley) on hikes/jogs/walks..Her joy is enough to do it over and over again..no matter how tired or lazy I feel. '
36. I take pictures of landscape/sunsets/trees..thing
s that never mattered much to me before.
37. When I catch myself judging someone...I ask myself what is it about me that I am insecure about or afraid of.
38. I am not about getting even anymore. After a circumstance, I reflect and wonder what I could do to change it for the future. What can I change in myself to have better outcomes.
39. I write constantly.
40. I love love love love this year. It has brought about many victories and tons of self-exploration. A change will do ya good..and I am ever so grateful for my sobriety and the experience to really examine myself. I am far from "there"..but I am a work in progress..and I love learning and going back in time..forgiving myself for the past and learning how to create a better future.
MOST IMPORTANTLY..I have a relationship with my God of my understanding.
2. I spend my entire monthly gift card at Target ONLY in the fitness section.
3. Getting a new pair of running shoes is more exciting than jeans.
4. Doug at the front desk of my gym says, "See ya again at noon."
5. I ask for Glutamine/whey protein/vitamins for Christmas...and I actually find those gifts EXCITING (stock up time).
6. I wear normal clothes/hair down at my gas station..the clerk says, "Never seen you with your hair down or jeans on. Did you get your hair done?" (always in gym gear) haha.
7. My girlfriends who I out-weighed by 32lbs this time LAST YEAR ask me to "train them."
8. I call people to see how THEY are doing.
9. I am inspired daily by new people..rather than being irritated that they aren't like me.
10. When I think of eating "bad"..I think how long it will take to burn it off (at times..other times I just GO FOR IT!) :) haha
12. Weekends consist of hikes/jogs/dog walks/reading/writing instead of the bars/parties/tailgates/hangove
rs.
13. I am home right now on a Friday night writing this..and not slamming vodka or stressing out about "what's going on tonight."
14. I get more out of a conversation with my best friend than I ever have in my life. I truly look forward to hearing and absorbing her wisdom.
15. My mom and I enjoyed our FIRST Thanksgiving together here in Arizona..where I cared about her visit...and put HER FIRST..not my plans/my life/my agenda.
16. I never have to wonder what I spent last night.
17. I thank God that I have gotten through things as a stronger woman..not just barely surviving as a victim.
18. I take responsibility now for all that I get in my life and all that I give out.
19. I enjoy being alone now.
20. I am more responsible with other people's feelings and how I interact with others.
21. My dad is proud of me..*always has been..but can focus his energy on his love for me...and the worry over my destructive behaviors has dissipated.
22. I respect myself. The hate for myself has slowly gone away..it slips up on occasion but I can catch it and face my fears.
23. I embrace change a lot better than I have in the past.
24. I enjoy new people. It's not all about me anymore.
25. I smile...and I MEAN IT. My soul smiles. I am not covering up any shame or fear/s. If they come up..I deal with them head on. I walk through fear...not around it.
26. I am not obsessed with a number on the scale, or being thinner, or getting more this or more that..It's super fun to have challenges, but I can honestly say I am completely happy with how I look. That is a FIRST!
27. I realized over this past year that I am capable of being loved. It is a HUGE hurdle to overcome..I am not 100% believing it every second of every waking moment..but I know it's true..
28. I AM NOT A VICTIM.
29. My patience has grown immensely.
30. My driving has drastically improved. I have taken the need to rush everywhere out of my life. It is OKAY to get there a little bit later and arrive SAFE.
31. I bite my tongue more often.
32. I have learned to forgive...starting with forgiving MYSELF for all the self-hatred and abuse.
33. I have gained real friendships.
34. I am learning to trust my own intuition. It's always been there..but I have abandoned it for many years.
35. I thoroughly enjoy taking my beloved (my dog Haley) on hikes/jogs/walks..Her joy is enough to do it over and over again..no matter how tired or lazy I feel. '
36. I take pictures of landscape/sunsets/trees..thing
s that never mattered much to me before.
37. When I catch myself judging someone...I ask myself what is it about me that I am insecure about or afraid of.
38. I am not about getting even anymore. After a circumstance, I reflect and wonder what I could do to change it for the future. What can I change in myself to have better outcomes.
39. I write constantly.
40. I love love love love this year. It has brought about many victories and tons of self-exploration. A change will do ya good..and I am ever so grateful for my sobriety and the experience to really examine myself. I am far from "there"..but I am a work in progress..and I love learning and going back in time..forgiving myself for the past and learning how to create a better future.
MOST IMPORTANTLY..I have a relationship with my God of my understanding.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
210 Days...and 209 Nights.
Hello,
My name is Jody and I am an alcoholic. I am celebrating 7 mos of sobriety. My last drink was on May 8th of 2010. It has been an intense roller coaster many days but I can tell you from the pit of my soul, this has been the most exciting journey I have ever experienced.
Learning how to deal with day to day life sober is like learning how to walk. I don't know if many people can relate if you have never been co-dependent on a substance..but it is no different than needing food each day.
Before I got sober, I never felt pain, never dealt with a break up, never recovered from rejection, never dealt with my parents divorce, day to day experiences, never liked or loved myself or even had FUN. Fun at a bar was just a cover up for what was really going on...on the inside.
Being sober has taught me to face things head on...and to walk through the pain and learning experiences.
I tried to bring another alcoholic with me on my journey..who I was dating. It was traumatizing to be sober and leave that world that I knew so well...as well as bring him along knowing it was only slippery slope for me..and heart breaking to leave him in my dust. I can't save anyone. It has been quite a challenge to learn that. Hell, some days I can barely save myself.
But..after these past 7 mos..I have only had a few times where I really really wanted to drink..then I thought of the outcome and how far I have come and that was enough to keep me sober in that moment and for the rest of the day.
It is scary to take on things in life and suffer with zero numbing mechanisms...but I have learned to do things differently now.
Now...I am aware that suffering momentarily only means some major growth is to come..I LOVE THAT...
I take responsibility for the pain I have welcomed in my life...for the bad choices I have made. Nothing happens by mistake. I have welcomed everything in that I have gone through. Now, it is up to me to change my patterns..walk away from toxic relationships, nurture my soul and TAKE CARE OF MYSELF...
I was in a recovery program for about 6 mos..but have chose to have a healthy active life..not on my own..but with my friends/family and support systems I have throughout my life.
After all, in the end it's just me and my man above....
"Our first and last love is self love."
My name is Jody and I am an alcoholic. I am celebrating 7 mos of sobriety. My last drink was on May 8th of 2010. It has been an intense roller coaster many days but I can tell you from the pit of my soul, this has been the most exciting journey I have ever experienced.
Learning how to deal with day to day life sober is like learning how to walk. I don't know if many people can relate if you have never been co-dependent on a substance..but it is no different than needing food each day.
Before I got sober, I never felt pain, never dealt with a break up, never recovered from rejection, never dealt with my parents divorce, day to day experiences, never liked or loved myself or even had FUN. Fun at a bar was just a cover up for what was really going on...on the inside.
Being sober has taught me to face things head on...and to walk through the pain and learning experiences.
I tried to bring another alcoholic with me on my journey..who I was dating. It was traumatizing to be sober and leave that world that I knew so well...as well as bring him along knowing it was only slippery slope for me..and heart breaking to leave him in my dust. I can't save anyone. It has been quite a challenge to learn that. Hell, some days I can barely save myself.
But..after these past 7 mos..I have only had a few times where I really really wanted to drink..then I thought of the outcome and how far I have come and that was enough to keep me sober in that moment and for the rest of the day.
It is scary to take on things in life and suffer with zero numbing mechanisms...but I have learned to do things differently now.
Now...I am aware that suffering momentarily only means some major growth is to come..I LOVE THAT...
I take responsibility for the pain I have welcomed in my life...for the bad choices I have made. Nothing happens by mistake. I have welcomed everything in that I have gone through. Now, it is up to me to change my patterns..walk away from toxic relationships, nurture my soul and TAKE CARE OF MYSELF...
I was in a recovery program for about 6 mos..but have chose to have a healthy active life..not on my own..but with my friends/family and support systems I have throughout my life.
After all, in the end it's just me and my man above....
"Our first and last love is self love."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)