My name is Jody and I am an alcoholic. I am celebrating 7 mos of sobriety. My last drink was on May 8th of 2010. It has been an intense roller coaster many days but I can tell you from the pit of my soul, this has been the most exciting journey I have ever experienced.
Learning how to deal with day to day life sober is like learning how to walk. I don't know if many people can relate if you have never been co-dependent on a substance..but it is no different than needing food each day.
Before I got sober, I never felt pain, never dealt with a break up, never recovered from rejection, never dealt with my parents divorce, day to day experiences, never liked or loved myself or even had FUN. Fun at a bar was just a cover up for what was really going on...on the inside.
Being sober has taught me to face things head on...and to walk through the pain and learning experiences.
I tried to bring another alcoholic with me on my journey..who I was dating. It was traumatizing to be sober and leave that world that I knew so well...as well as bring him along knowing it was only slippery slope for me..and heart breaking to leave him in my dust. I can't save anyone. It has been quite a challenge to learn that. Hell, some days I can barely save myself.
But..after these past 7 mos..I have only had a few times where I really really wanted to drink..then I thought of the outcome and how far I have come and that was enough to keep me sober in that moment and for the rest of the day.
It is scary to take on things in life and suffer with zero numbing mechanisms...but I have learned to do things differently now.
Now...I am aware that suffering momentarily only means some major growth is to come..I LOVE THAT...
I take responsibility for the pain I have welcomed in my life...for the bad choices I have made. Nothing happens by mistake. I have welcomed everything in that I have gone through. Now, it is up to me to change my patterns..walk away from toxic relationships, nurture my soul and TAKE CARE OF MYSELF...
I was in a recovery program for about 6 mos..but have chose to have a healthy active life..not on my own..but with my friends/family and support systems I have throughout my life.
After all, in the end it's just me and my man above....
"Our first and last love is self love."
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